My Fancy Award-Acceptin' Dress Is At The Cleaners.

It has a stain that looks like wine, so that's what I say it is 'cause it sounds more sophisticated, but it's actually barbecue sauce.

I got an award! Well, two awards, actually... but they're from the same blogger so I'm counting them as one super-mega-ultra award.  McKelle from ~ In De-Stress Mode ~ gave it to me.  She's awesome.  And really talented... like, I think I'm pretty creative, but she is TALENTED.  There's a difference, to be sure.  Visit her blog, see the awesomeness.

For this one, I'm supposed to answer questions... I'm putting on my thinking cap now.

1. What is my favorite color?  Can I say, before I answer the question, that I wanted to type 'favourite colour'.  I think the lack of 'u's in language today is staggering.  Let's add a 'u' to everything.  Back to the question, I'm a blue kind of girl... the color that the sky gets before or after a rainstorm? That's the blue.  When I injure myself, my bruises get that color for a day or so.

2. What is my favourite (see? I did it.) song? "Like Everyone She Knows" by James Taylor.  I will always love him and that song reminds me why.  It's amazing.  Of course, if "Cotton-Eyed Joe" ever plays anywhere, I'm dancing and singing like a fool.

3. My favorite dessert? There used to be a restaurant called "Ned Kelly's" near my hometown.  They had a skillet cookie that beats all other skillet cookies.  They wouldn't bake it all the way through, so it was doughy and rich and amazing.  They closed down and since then, I've tried every other restaurants' version and none compare.  Now I'm left, thinking about the desserts that could have been.

4. My favorite pet?  All through my adolescence, I was a cat-lover.  We had cats, I treated them like my children, and swore I would never be a dog person.  In my twenties, I was engaged to a man who was allergic to cats.  After many tears, I agreed that we would get a dog instead of a cat.

I LOVED THAT DOG.

She was a Yorkie and she was amazing.  Since then, I'm a dog person.

5.  What whizzes me off at the moment?  Do husbands count?  Well, he's at work, so I suppose he's not bothering me right now.  I think the thing that ticks me off most at this moment is the amount of misinformation in the country and most peoples' readiness to believe it.  If someone tells you something that is outrageous and makes you angry, look it up.  I'd bet dollars to doughnuts (mmmmmm, doughnuts) that it's not true.  But people don't look stuff up.  It takes two seconds... google it.

6.  Black or white?  This is tricky.  I look better in black, but I love white.  I cannot wear it though, for I am tired of people shouting 'thar she blows' everytime I pass by.  Kids can be so cruel.  For crafting and decorating, it's white all the way.  I have a gallon of white paint and several spray paint cans in white on-hand at all times.

7.  Biggest fear?  Besides losing my kids or husband, or them losing me, I fear falling short of expectations.  I set my goals really high and I will give myself anxiety trying to accomplish them.  I worry that I'm not as good as I should be at everything.

And then I remember that I'm funny, so at least If I can't hit that high mark, I can try to make them laugh.

8.  Best feature? Hmmmm... this is tough.  Not in the 'oh, I'm so ugly, please tell me how pretty I am' way though.  I used to be thin and pretty and whatnot.  Then I had children.  Now, I'm a monstrous whale of a woman with thinning hair and an expanding waist.  Unfair.

I have thin wrists and ankles.  I'm holding on to those like grim death.

9. Everyday attitude?  I'm a pretty positive person. I try to always remember that, despite whatever might be going wrong in my life, there is always someone who would love to have my problems.  I'm a pretty lucky girl.

10.  What is perfection?  I suppose perfection, to me, is accepting my imperfections.  If I was more accepting of myself, I would be better off.  Gotta work on that.

11. Guilty pleasure?  I put vanilla ice cream in a bowl and pour milk over it.  I was eating this for a few months when I remember that my Dad used to do the same thing when I was young.  It's genetic.

12.  When you're upset you...?  When I'm upset, I need to be left alone.  For real.  Talking it out is NOT the answer, it will only make it worse.  I will stew over it, and be fine... IF YOU JUST LEAVE ME ALONE.  My husband has still, after a billion years together, not learned this.

That was award number one.  I feel better after unburdening myself of all those things.  If any of you are still reading, you are awesome.  And you can be my friend.

The next award is:

My blog is on fire.  Thank goodness I'm insured.  For this one, I'm supposed to tell a story, real or made-up.  Let me think on this one.  I've been writing a book (actually three books, but that's neither here nor there) and I could tell that story, but it would be too long.  I could tell you the story of my kids' births, but they were pretty easy and uneventful... does a joke count as a story?  It's really a story with a funny ending... I'm going to give it a whirl.

One day, a man saw in his local paper an ad for a free talking dog.  'A free talking dog?' the man thought.  I have to check this out.

He goes to the house and meets with the owner.  "Do you really have a talking dog?" he asked the owner.  "I sure do," he replied.  "He's in the back room, watching TV.  See for yourself."

The man goes to the back room and finds a dog lying down, watching television.  "Hi there," the man said.  "Hey, what's up?" the dog replied.  "Wow, you really do talk?  That's amazing!" the man said.  "Yeah, it's a pretty rare trait," the dog said.  "It's been helpful in my career, though."  "Really?" the man said.  "What's your career?"

"Well, I was in the military.  I was over in Desert Storm... Saddam's sandbox, as we used to call it.  I would sniff out insurgents and bombs and was in some pretty fierce combat.  When we came home, there was a parade in my honor."

"That's amazing!" the man exclaimed.  "You did all that?"

"Oh yeah, but that's not all.  I went back for the war in Iraq after 9/11.  I sniffed out bombs and bodies and was considered a pretty big hero.  I was awarded the purple heart when I came back."

"This is unbelievable!" the man said.  Just then, the dog's owner came into the room.  The man shouted "How can you give this dog away?  He's a hero!  What could possibly make you not want this dog?"  The owner replied, "because he's a big, fat liar!"

It sounds funnier in person.

Now I have to pass this award along... giving is truly the best gift.  No, I want to keep it.  Oh fine, I'll pass it on.

Kim over at Maiden D'Shade is great.  And her blog name is a pun.  I love a play on words.  Check her blog out!

Cheryl at nefotlak is so great... she's from Australia and is incredibly creative.  I follow her on Pinterest and have to resist pinning all of her things.  She'll think I'm a stalker if I don't.  Visit her blog!

And Mandy from A 37's 42 is amazing!  She knows cop lingo... love that.  Pay her a visit!