Apocalypse Monday - Matches

Matches: essential for apocalypse survival.  Yes, they can always be used to create a source of heat, but there is much more that makes matches invaluable when the world ends.

Matches are pretty darn cheap too, so there's no excuse not to stock up.  Read on and you'll stock up in no time.

1)  According to federal law, you cannot sing 'Kumbaya' unless you're around a campfire.  And you know you'll want to sing it.  And even though it's the end of the world, we will respect our federal laws, by cracky.


2)  Just because the zombies have ended the world doesn't mean they've ended break-ups.  You'll need the matches to burn all memories of that jerk who said he loved you and then tried to trip you during the last zombie attack.  After a while, you'll be glad you pushed him into that ravine.


3)  Lighting candles will be necessary when the power goes out, but you should still light candles for special occasions.  When you're sitting in your washtub of cold water, light a few candles to relax yourself.  Stay alert though, because zombies know about relaxing in a tub and might pounce.


4)  When you send out invitations to your "Zombie-Free Barbecue", using the flame of a lit match to slightly burn the edges will give them a quaint touch.  Being quaint is more important than ever after the apocalypse.


5)  The other end of a matchstick can be used like a toothpick.  Multi-tasking separates the men from the far-superior women.


6)  When you're bored, lighting matches and then seeing how long you can hold it before burning your fingers is a fun game.  Well, it's not 'fun' in the traditional sense... more in the 'holy crow this hurts' sense.


7)  Candlelight vigils will be a constant event.  Having a pack of matches handy will make you the most popular person there.  Be careful though, because candlelight vigils notoriously attract zombies.  They actually seem like a bad idea... we'll still have them though, because we're slow learners.


8)  We all love s'mores.  But when you're dieting during the apocalypse, just one s'more is plenty.  Use a match to make your individual s'more and you won't waste the firewood.  Now that I'm thinking of it, I could use a s'more right now.


Until next time, survivors.



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