Apocalypse Monday - Candles

Did all of you hear about the zombie attack in Miami?  I had an awesome reader shoot me a little comment about it... read about it here.

Did you read that?  HE WAS EATING THAT MAN'S FACE.  For the love of all that's vanilla-flavored, it's starting.  We must continue our preparations.

Candles.  As you can see, these were on clearance... just because we're preparing for the zombies doesn't mean we need to drop more than a few bucks at a time.  Take note of all the reasons we'll need these when some guy is eating our neighbor's face.

1.  Romantic dinners.  Your marriage might suffer a bit when the apocalypse happens.  I mean, you clearly called the last 1/4 cup of rice for yourself and then your husband went and ate it.  Not cool.  But, we need to stick together among the undead.  Light a couple of candles over your next meal of canned beans and dry noodles.  You'll think you were in Paris on your honeymoon.

2.  In a previous post, we talked about how matches were essential for individual s'mores.  But what if you have unexpected guests that aren't flesh-eating monsters?  You would be so rude to refuse them a s'more.  Light up a tealight to have enough heat for several toasted marshmallow-chocolate-graham cracker sandwiches.


3.  Batteries are going to become scarce in the apocalypse, so flashlights will eventually be useless.  Unless you live near the Duracell plant, these candles will be the best way to put light under your face when you're telling a scary story.  'Cause it makes you look spooky.  Not too spooky though, because you don't want your family to mistake you for a zombie and shoot you.  Take heed.


4.  I assume that since you're all here reading this, you're fairly crafty people.  Which is the best kind of people to be, in my opinion.  And do you know how crafty you can be with candles?  A few votives, some Mod Podge and glitter, and you have yourself something to stare at when your mind finally snaps.  And it will.


5.  Are any of you eyeliner-wearers?  I've never been particularly skilled in putting it on, myself.  It always ends up looking like I'm a drag queen heading out to sacrifice a live chicken.  Which I only do every other Thursday.  But if you enjoy a little eyeliner, I know that some people use a little flame to soften the pencil end to make it easier to apply.  And what better time to come across a group of hunky survivors then just after you've applied your makeup?  You'll thank me.


The possibilities here are endless... from what I've been told, you can even use candles for practical reasons, too! Why, they're one of our most versatile tools for the end of the world.  Stock up now.


Until next time, survivors,


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