Apocalypse Monday - Chalk

It's Monday again, which means that we discuss zombies.  Monday's aren't good for anything else, I can assure you.

Today, we're going to talk about how useful chalk will be after the apocalypse.  Having a few boxes of chalk on-hand will serve you well when dealing with the zombies, and here's why:

1.  Chalk outlines.  They use these on crime shows and, I assume, in real life.  For every zombie you kill, you must leave the outline.  This way, after you and your group clean away all traces of the dead undead, your chalk outline will serve as a warning to other zombies.  Of course, they're sort of stupid, so they might not get it.


2.  Tic-tac-toe.  If you find yourself surrounded by concrete with nothing else to do, a game of tic-tac-toe will be just the thing to pass the time.  Oh, but don't play with a zombie, because they are really bad at it and also, sore losers.


3.  You know all those DIY projects you've done using chalkboard paint?  This is why you need chalk.  You're welcome.


4.  Have you ever seen gymnasts at a competition?  They rub their hands in that chalk stuff to keep a good grip on the parallel bars.  I know you aren't a gymnast anymore, but once there is nothing but killing zombies and time on your hands, you'll re-dedicate yourself to the sport.  And the chalk will become ever-so-necessary.


5.  Once the world ends, there will be talk of 'starting over'.  Since sexism did not die with the rest of the planet, all the surviving men will insist that the women teach the children.  Those pigs.  So, you'll need the chalk to teach appropriately.  And what will you teach?  That women are better than men, naturally.


6.  When you're huddled up in a cave, waiting for the zombies outside to die of starvation, you need to keep track of the days.  You could go with a 'hashmark to keep track of the number of days you've been in here' system, but since you have the chalk, I say draw yourself a whole calendar and make happy little notes about how you passed the time.  "On the third Wednesday hiding from the zombies, I pretended I was an onion."  What fun those memories will be!


7.  Apparently, ants won't cross a white line.  So if you make yourself a fire (WHICH YOU SHOULDN'T DO BECAUSE IT WILL ATTRACT THE ZOMBIES), crush up some chalk to surround your campsite and keep the ants at bay.  Of course, the zombies will eat you.  But the ants will be totally defeated!


8.  When your husband misbehaves, you'll need the chalk to make him write "I WILL NOT SHOVE MY WIFE INTO A ZOMBIE-FILLED CAFETERIA PURELY FOR MY OWN AMUSEMENT".  I hope that jerk gets a cramp in his wrist.


9.  When Halloween rolls around, you can use the chalk to dress up like a geisha.  I think socks with sandals is a smart look.


10.  If you get the pretty-colored chalk, you can make sidewalk art.  Which is great, because it slows the zombies down.  I mean, they're always trying to figure out if you drew a cat or a tree.  Not that you don't draw well... I think you're a good draw-er.


Until next time, survivors.

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