There are only three more Apocalypse Monday posts for this year, including this one. Once October hits, there's nothing but holiday posts until the new year.
I can hear all of you weeping. Please know that I feel your pain.
Let's soldier on, shall we? My blog was down for most of the day because of some hacker who clearly doesn't understand how vitally important these posts are to the survival of mankind. That selfish, selfish hacker. At any rate, let's talk about our much-needed survival item: Nail polish.
We women of the apocalypse are going to look stunning in our survival wear, and our manicures will be impressive. I mean, our nails will be so glossy, we'll be able to see a zombie's reflection in them. But nail polish won't just be necessary for our fingers and toes. Here are a few other reasons we'll be glad we stocked up on Revlon and Maybelline.
1) If you're anything like me, you go through war paint like no one's business. Truthfully, I wear it when I'm shopping. Nothing says 'get out of my way, that sale-priced bacon is mine' like a little war paint under the eyes. Use nail polish to add a little color to your face paint and you'll still get that bacon before the enemy does.
2) While we're on the subject of face-painting, do you know those weird guys who paint their chests at football games? It's like, four degrees outside and these yuckels have their shirts off. Sweet Moses, those boys need some help. During the zombie apocalypse, our husbands can be those yuckels... a little nail polish in the chest hair makes a man, in my opinion.
3) Acrylic paints will be rare during the apocalypse, what with all those 'Repent, the end is nigh' signs. Use your nail polish to paint on canvas and you'll be an artist that the dwindling population can be proud of.
4) The kids are going to get bored with no crayons to play with. When they're looking to color on the walls, hand them a little Sally Hansen and watch your own head explode with anger.
5) Think of the great crafts we've yet to use nail polish to complete. Remember those thumbtacks I made? Skip the scrapbook paper and just give 'em a coat of nail polish. Done.
6) I'm thinking you could use nail polish as eye shadow in a pinch, but your eyelids might be too heavy to lift... I'll need further testing to confirm.
7) When all your jewelry is looted, you can use nail polish to paint on earrings or necklaces... perhaps for your anniversary, your husband can paint a nice ankle bracelet on for you. That's post-apocalyptic romance.
Until next time survivors,
At girls camp we would put nail polish over chigger bites--those pesky itchy critters. Itching dried nail polish isn't too effective and since itching makes itching worse, it's a surprisingly good way to cure it.
ReplyDeleteIt'll also work great to paint red dots all over your skin and tell everyone you have the measles or poxs. That'll clear Hobby Lobby so you'll have your choice of crafting supplies! ;)
As always, you give sage advice. I actually can't stand nail polish, but a lack of acrylic paint might create a need - I get that. Also, I did the chigger bite thing with nail polish as a kid - that's a good idea, too. :) Thank goodness GoDaddy came back up - we can live another day!
ReplyDeleteOh my goodness. What am I going to do without apocalypse Monday posts? First, I am curious who you'll be testing #6 out on...and by no means am I volunteering :). Second, what will you do with your jewelry box when you have to resort to body art as jewelry?
ReplyDeletepost-apocalyptic romance, love it! Thanks for the great advice, as always! You prompted me to pull the Zombie Survival Guide down off the shelf and read it!
ReplyDeleteAnother winner!
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