Unforgivable Things My Husband Has Done

Today is my husband's 40th birthday.  He doesn't look a day over 39.  In honor of this momentous birthday, I'm going to share with you some of the unforgivable things my husband has done to me... this is how we celebrate in our house.

Handsomer even than Robert Redford.

1)  Last Thanksgiving, he wanted cooked cabbage.  Since it reeks to high heaven, he cooked it in a crockpot in the garage... while my car was also in the garage.  Would you believe that my car still smells like cabbage?  UNFORGIVABLE.

2) He recently taught our oldest son how to burp.  The cacophony of belching I hear on a daily basis is getting out of hand.  UNFORGIVABLE.

3) He never asks probing questions of people when something interesting happens.  Take the following exchange as an example:

Hubs: "Bill said his wife left him."

Me: "What? Oh my gracious, what happened?"

Hubs: "I don't know."

Me: "Well, is Bill OK?"

Hubs: "I don't know."

Me: "Well, are they getting a divorce?"

Hubs: "I don't know."

Me: "For crying out loud Dave, what else did he say?"

Hubs: "He was hoping the Packers would make it to the Superbowl."

Sweet. Gravy.  A woman would have asked the important questions.  UNFORGIVABLE.

4) He plays terrible pranks on me.  This one time, when he worked for the cable company, he called me on a job and asked me if the cable was working.  I told him it was just fine... then I heard a click.  HE TURNED OFF THE CABLE TO AN ENTIRE SUBDIVISION JUST TO TICK ME OFF.  What kind of person would turn off cable, in the middle of The Maury Povich show, no less, just to irritate his wife?  I never did find out if that guy was that baby's father.  UNFORGIVABLE.

5) He can eat whatever he wants and he never gains an ounce.  Seriously, it's like he gets thinner the more he eats.  Meanwhile, I'm contemplating getting my own zipcode, I'm getting so big.  UNFORGIVABLE.

Despite all these things, I love my hubby... and he's just as thin and handsome at 40 as he was at 20... except for the mullet.  He had a mullet at 20.  There... the secret is out.

Happy birthday, Dave!
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