I am in a funk.
I might even call it depression.
It's definitely anxiety.
I don't know how to get out of this.
It's hard to explain what is going through my head, but it's been boiling up for a few years now. It started as some anxiety... nothing too serious, just some mild panic attacks that seemed to have no cause. And then, they became not so mild.
And then came a bit of sadness. Prolonged, profound sadness that I couldn't escape from. But it would pass after a few days and I would go back to my normal life. And then it lasted more than a few days. And then it got worse. And worse.
Ugh.
So, in the time since this started, I have been prescribed anti-anxiety medication. It really did help, but when I got pregnant, I stopped taking it. I didn't take it everyday anyway, so it wasn't a huge sacrifice. And any anxiety I had during the pregnancy, I chose to tough out... I had huge fears about what the medication might do to my little in-utero string bean. And now, I still don't take anything because I'm nursing. Again, I just don't know what gets passed along in breastmilk. I'm probably being a bit over-cautious, but I really worry about that sort of thing.
I plan to stop nursing when Lily is one, which is THREE SHORT WEEKS AWAY. At that time, I'm planning a visit to my doctor to talk about this anxiety and depression. It is literally crippling me.
I can't do anything. I don't look forward to anything. Everything is overwhelming. I am cranky and irritable and not myself.
I don't know how to get out of this. Did I say that already?
What does this have to do with you or this little blog? Nothing, really. I just felt the need to share it with you. I have no game plan, no 'I'm totally gonna beat this' mentality, and no intentions of planning a pity party for myself. But when you're miserable, you hope for someone in the world to say, "hang in there, I'm here for you".
Maybe I can plan a happier post for next week? Let's all hope so.
I would love it if you would follow me on Facebook, Pinterest, Twitter or Instagram!
I hope you and your doctor will be able to come up with a plan that will help. I'm stopping to say a prayer for you. Being depressed or having anxiety can be overwhelming and frustrating. Hang in there! I just recently found your blog and enjoy seeing all your projects. Hoping you are happy and filled with joy soon.
ReplyDeleteOh, Sweetie. I am so sorry you've been dealing with this. You've been on my mind for the past week and maybe this is why. I've been meaning to check on you because I missed your posts. I remember how much you and your hubby enjoyed decorating for Halloween. I understand your concerns about meds and nursing, but I sincerely hope you will take what your doctor prescribes for you and get back to yourself. If the meds don't work, don't stop looking/asking for solutions.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry to hear you're going through this & I hope it gets better for you very soon! Anxiety & depression are very challenging to deal with. You're very brave for coming out and admitting this!
ReplyDeleteI can only tell you what has helped me deal with it, maybe there is something in here that can help you too? I would also see if you can see someone sooner than 3 weeks. That's a long time to wait when the anxiety is overwhelming to the point you're at. Maybe there are some support groups or counselors who do free work in your area?
For me, I've found these things to help the most: regular exercise, mindfulness meditation, affirmations, a healthy diet, limiting caffeine, a nightly routine to wind down so I tire naturally and sleep well. I took medication & just got off it completely 1-2 months ago. It takes some time to find what works for you, but it is possible, even if you do take medication.
If you would like to chat or reach out, you can email me at angconley@yahoo.com. Sending healing thoughts to you!
Please do see the Dr sooner rather than later to get help. Have you considered that you may have post natal depression?
ReplyDeleteIt's hard to get through your daily routine when you're feeling bad but there is help out there and you will get through this. I send you a big hug ((( ))) all the from England. Don't worry about your wonderful crafts, they can come later, just concentrate on you.
let us know how you get on.
Carolx ((( )))
Hang in there and ((BIG HUGS)) coming to you! I will be praying for you to get through this rough patch.
ReplyDeleteI am so glad you wrote this and reached out to others. Often times this 'funk' turns into something more severe and you have nothing to be embarrassed about- it is actually very common with creative people- writers and artists. If you internalize it, it will get worse, so you are on the right road to recovery. I went through a severe depression a few years back and nearly took my own life. It definitely was not like me at all- I'm extremely social and happy. I was mortified that I was not myself and felt ashamed and did not reach out to others. If you need to talk to someone, even via email that has been through this, feel free to email me. I felt like no one understood, until I did meet someone that I could talk to about it.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for posting this today. I've been in a similar funk since I lost my job last year. I try to read scripture and focus on the positive but some days are just really hard. The worst part is the feeling that you're alone in this and there is such a stigma about sharing these issues with other people. I'll be keeping you in my prayers! Blessings, Sabine .
ReplyDeleteYou are an amazing person and I have missed your crazy posts! You have done a great job surviving it so far, and I'm sure that you and your doctor will be able to work it out. Don't forget, PPD can actually last much longer than just 'right' after the baby is born, and also BF can mess with your homones too. ((((hugs))))
ReplyDeleteI too found myself depressed with anxiety attacks after a major life event. One day I woke up and just could not get out of bed or communicate to my husband what what wrong. I literally had to be dragged out of bed and dressed so I could see my doctor. He immediately put me on anti-depressants and put in touch with a wonderful specialized therapist. I'm not gonna lie: it's a tough uphill road often littered with detours, but hang in there. I know that as Moms, we often put our needs on the back shelf. Our families need us to be healthy, happy Mommies. But more importantly, you deserve it! Warm hugs and good luck :o)
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry to hear that you have to go through this. I love reading your blog because besides great craft ideas, you are a very real person and I love that you are able to share your humor, personality, and honesty. Praying that you will be able to find answers and help very soon through medicine, therapy, faith, and family.
ReplyDeleteYou are not alone in this little battle you are going through! I too have been getting exceedingly worse for the past 3 years or so. Hang in there! You have a lot of people behind you, rooting for you to get back to your normal. I'm here for you, reading your posts, trying your ideas in my own home, with my own kids. You can overcome this. We've got your back!!!
ReplyDeleteDefinitely go to a doctor and get labs done. I found out, after taking psyc meds for 2 years, that it was my high blood sugars and extremely low vit d levels making me feel terrible. At last resort take any psyc meds. They mess you up and are a pain to kick! =) Hang in there.
ReplyDeleteI have not read any of the other comments made here because it is late for me to be up and I feel I need to comment quickly and scoot to bed. But I cannot not say this. I have battled depression for more than 20 years and I was sent to doctors and therapists and all kinds of people to try and talk me out of it...I have a chemical imbalance in my brain that causes this. It is not my fault and they cannot talk me out of it. I am currently being treated for my many problems including depression, anxiety, migraine headaches and in the last few years uncontrollable anger that has developed from the years of dealing with these problems. I am now on a medicine called Topamax that has been wonderful! I wish I would have know about it years ago if they even had it back then. Do your research, talk to your doctor. I don't know all your issues, I don't know if this is something that might work in your situation, but it has really helped me! I will be thinking of you and have you in my prayers that you can get thru this! In the meantime while you're nursing, pump up the D3 5000 IU's a day is the recommended daily amount and St. John's Wart is an all natural herb you can take for depression. Also cashews are supposed to be a natural anti-depressant!
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